Confessions of a Contrarian
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who seems to take the opposite side of every argument you make? Pretty damn annoying, right?
Sometimes, I’m that guy.
I have an insane ability to spot holes in a person’s argument whether I want to or not. My brain goes into debugging mode, and I start finding errors in the most random places.
I usually end up leaving my victims pissed off and in a haze of confusion, but I assure you this isn’t always by design.
I’m a contrarian.
It’s not something I’m proud of, but it is something I enjoy. I believe that I provide a valuable public service.
We’ve all been trapped in a conversation with someone who goes on about his/her glory or achievements. Sometimes that person is a bit of antagonist who inflates their ego and sense of self-worth at the expense of others. Sometimes their just downright despicable people. That’s where I come in.
I generally enjoy sending these egomaniacs hurtling back down to earth, because there’s nothing I hate more than a bully. The satisfaction I get from delivering a good humbling is almost sexual.
How Does One Become a Contrarian?
I believe I got started down the path to becoming blackbelt contrarian by having my backside handed to me verbally by quick-witted little girls on the playground during my childhood.
There were many days where I was left standing speechless with my jaw agape as I frantically searched my brain for any kind of response. Children can be so cruel.
Once you’ve experienced a few verbal beatings and enough public shaming, you tend to learn how to defend yourself. You develop a razor-sharp tongue and a lightning-quick wit capable of navigating you through the most treacherous of verbal sparring matches.
The training was grueling and demanding, but I’m a better man for it. High school was my Bootcamp, and college was my Vietnam.
I needed every bit of training for what I was about to experience in college. Here are a few examples of my inner-contrarian saving the day:
- A Q-Dog (slang for an Omega Psi Phi fraternity member) tried to get me to buy into a pyramid scheme and tried to steal my then-girlfriend in the same night.
- A “friend” fed me dishonest information about my then-girlfriend in hopes of breaking us up.
- An acquaintance broke into my dorm room to steal my PlayStation only to be thwarted my homemade security system.
- I can’t forget about the RA (Resident Assistant) who proposed I pay him a nominal fee to help me break the female visitation rules. He offered to hide my female visitor in his room until it was “safe” to bring her to my room.
My contrarian nature guided me through many situations during my college days, and for the most part, I managed to come out relatively unscathed.
The point is, being a contrarian isn’t just about verbally dismembering people. It’s about spotting bullshit and stopping it in its tracks.
Overall, I consider my contrarian nature to be a gift. Does it come back to bite me at times? Of course, but I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have without it.
My contrarian thought process has helped me avoid scams and unsavory characters throughout my adult life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Contrarians are an undervalued part of society. We’re never appreciated until you need us. Consider this post a tribute to my fellow contrarians out there.
You are not forgotten, and you are appreciated.
A Jaded ’80s Baby